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A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. The girl said to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
The contest for “Who wants to be a millionaire” was going on and the last question was:
“which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?”
A- Robin
B- Sparrow
C- Cuckoo
D- Thrush
The contestant (Barbara) decides to phone a friend (Maggie).
(ringing)
Maggie (a blond): “Hello…”
Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Millionaire.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”
Barbara repeats the question.
Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”
Barbara: “You think?”
Maggie: “I’m sure.”
Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)
Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”
Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”
Regis: “Is that your final answer?”
Barbara: “It is.”
Regis: “Are you confident?”
Barbara: “Yes.”
Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks:
“Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.”
An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
“How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I am Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy;
“that’s why I’m in such good shape. I am up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well.”
“Well,” says the doctor,
“I am sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?”
” Who said my Dad’s dead?”
The doctor is amazed.
“You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s 100 years old,” says the old Italian golfer.
“In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that’s why he’s still alive … he’s Italian and he’s a golfer too.”
“Well,” the doctor says,
“that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad?
How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my grandpa’s dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asks,
“You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living!
Incredible, how old is he?”
“He’s 118 years old,” says the old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
“So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.”
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
“Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?”
” Who said he wanted to?”
