Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category
To, ABC Girl
Subject: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms prey,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving his letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your other friends (girls), if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Xyz
HR Manager
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Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, “I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.” “I would have bought a cup of tea”, replied the beggar.
The man said, “Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea”. He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, “I don’t smoke as it is injurious to health.”
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, “Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good”.
The beggar refused by saying, “Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver”.
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, “I am going to the race course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone”.
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, “Sorry sir, I can’t come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.”
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar’s face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, “Why do you want me to go to your house with you”.
The man replied, “My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like.”
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Once a sardar owned a retaurant.
A man came up to him and claimed:
“Sardar jee! There is a fly in the tea”
سردار جی۔ دودھ میں مکھی ھے۔
Sardar jee replied:
“O! Dil wadda ker yara! Oonay kinna pee leena aaay”
او دل وڈڈا کر یا را۔ اوونے کننا پی جانا اے؟
~~!!!!!!!!!!~~
Sardar goes to a restaurant and orders chicken.
Waiter: “French, Spanish or Desi?”
Sardar: “O jeera marzi laay aa! Main keera gallan kerniaan naaay.”
او جیرا مرضی لے آ۔ میں کیرا گلاں کرنیاں نیں۔
~~!!!!!!!!!!~~
1
larkay ko kia chaiya?
1 larkie jo
piyar daay.
1 larkie jo
acha khana banaye.
1 larkie jo
khoob khidmat keray.
Aor ya teenoon larkiyaan mil jul rehain.
Bus!!!
~~!!!!!!!!!!~~
A sardar was driving a jeep in jungle.
Tourist asked him: “If lion comes very close to us, then how can we escape?”
Sardar: “Its simple, Give right indicator and turn left.”
~~!!!!!!!!!!~~
3 sardar were sleeping at same bed.
One felt not enough room for him at bed and so he climbed down and rested at bare floor.
One sardar from bed called him and said. “Come on up now, its enough room now at bed.”
اوۓ اتے آ جا۔ ہن جگھ کھلی ھو گي اے۔
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Father: ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice’
Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!’
Father: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.’
Son: ‘Well, in that case…ok’
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’
Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!’
Father: ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.’
Bill Gates: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’
President: ‘But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!’
Father: ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.’
President: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything..
But your attitude should be +ve..
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A panda goes to a restarant.
The waiter comes over and askes him what he would like to eat.
The panda said “I would like to order everything on the menu.”
The wiater comes back a little later after the panda finishes up his food and says,
“Here is your check.” The panda shoots the waiter.
The police comes and talk to the panda.
The police said, “You can not do that!!!”
The panda says,
“Sure I can, look panda up in the dictionary,
It says: Panda; eats, shoots and leaves.
(eats shoots, and leaves) (shoot is a plant…)
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A rabbit walked into a bar and said to the bar man,
“Got any carrots?”
The bar man said,
“Sorry mate! No…”
The next day the rabbit went into the bar agian and said,
“Got any carrots?”
The bar man said,
“No”
The next the rabbit went into the bar and said,
“Got any carrots?”
The bar man said,
“NO”
The next day the rabbit went into the bar and said,
“Got any carrots?”
And the bar man said,
“This is your last waring not to ask agian. NOOOOO!!!”
The next day the rabbit went into the bar and said,
“Got any carrots?”
The bar man said,
“Ask agian and I will pin your ears to the floor.”
The next day the rabbit went into the bar and said,
“Got any pins?”
The bar man said, “No.”
The rabbit said, “Good! Got any carrots then???”
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There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell the truth, it will grant you a wish. If you lie - Poof!!! it swallows you up.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar. They head straight for the mirror. The redhead goes first and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth.”
Poof- the mirror swallows her up.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth.”
Poof - the mirror swallows her up.
Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror and says ” I think……..” Poof!!!
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All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein’s counting: 1,2,3……97,98,99…..100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.
Einstein says, “Newton’s out. Newton’s….out…..”
Newton denies and says Newton is not out. He claims that he is not Newton. All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says, “I am standing in a square of area. 1m squared. That makes me Newton per meter squared. Since a Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I’m Pascal.
Therefore Pascal is OUT !!!!!!!!!”
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Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”
“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
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Two Lovers planned to Suicide.
Boy jumped first;
Girl closed her eyes, and returned back saying;
Love is Blind.
The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying;
Love never Dies…
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