Phrases for Work, Employee and Boss

by roshi on October 27, 2007

in Jokes

Here are some phrases we want to say sometimes at work or we have heard at work. Boss insults also included.

  1. Were you BORN this stupid? Or did it just take years of practice?
  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  3. The beatings will continue until morale improves
  4. How about never? Is never good for you?
  5. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  6. Busy, you thought busy was a policeman. “In England for some reason, they call the policeman busy.
  7. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship.
  8. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  9. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
  10. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
  11. It’s nice to see that you’re not satisfied with people JUST THINKING you’re an idiot.
  12. I’m not anti-social. I’m anti-YOU.
  13. I’m not anti-social. Society is anti-me.
  14. Would you like me to chew your food for you while I’m at it?
  15. Wait, you mean I actually have to WORK at work??
  16. Here’s a quarter. Go forth. Be Happy.
  17. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
  18. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
  19. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  20. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  21. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
  22. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  23. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  24. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  25. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  26. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  27. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  28. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  29. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  30. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  31. No, my powers can only be used for good.
  32. You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.
  33. Who me? I just wander from room to room
  34. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
  35. Do I look like a freaking people person?
  36. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting. (yeah, and it’s called my office)
  37. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  38. You!… Off my planet!
  39. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  40. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  41. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
  42. Allow me to introduce my selves.
  43. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  44. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  45. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  46. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  47. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  48. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
  49. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door 1?
  50. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  51. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  52. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
  53. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  54. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
  55. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  56. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

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