Invited to Dinner

A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. The girl said to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

(more…)

100 Ways To Make Yourself Feel Good

1. Call an old friend, just to say hi.
2. Hold a door open for a stranger.
3. Invite someone to lunch.
4. Compliment someone on his or her appearance.
5. Ask a coworker for their opinion on a project.
6. Bring cookies to work.
7. Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic.
8. Leave a waitress or waiter a big tip.
9. Tell a cashier to have a nice day.
10. Call your parents.
11. Let someone know you miss them.
12. Treat someone to a movie.
13. Let a person know you really appreciate them.
14. Visit a retirement center.
15. Take a child to the zoo.
16. Fill up your spouse’s car with gas.
17. Surprise someone with a small gift.
18. Leave a thank-you note for the cleaning staff at work.
19. Write a letter to a distant relative.
20. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.
21. Put a dime in a stranger’s parking meter before the time expires.
22. Bake a cake for a neighbor.
23. Send someone flowers to where they work.
24. Invite a friend to tea.
25. Recommend a good book to someone.
26. Donate clothing to a charity.
27. Offer an elderly person a ride to where they need to go.
28. Bag your own groceries at the checkout counter.
29. Give blood.
30. Offer free baby-sitting to a friend who’s really busy or just needs a break.
31. Help your neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow.
32. Offer your seat to someone when there aren’t any left.
33. Help someone with a heavy load.
34. Ask to see a store’s manager and comment on the great service.
35. Give your place in line at the grocery store to someone who has only a few items.
36. Hug someone in your family for no reason.
37. Wave to a child in the car next to you.
38. Send a thank-you note to your doctor.
39. Repeat something nice you heard about someone else.
40. Leave a joke on someone’s answering machine.
41. Be a mentor or coach to someone.
42. Forgive a loan.
43. Fill up the copier machine with paper after you’re done using it.
44. Tell someone you believe in them.
45. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
46. Welcome new neighbors with flowers or a plant.
47. Offer to watch a friend’s home while they’re away.
48. Ask someone if they need you to pick up anything while you’re out shopping.
49. Ask a child to play a board game, and let them win.
50. Ask an elderly person to tell you about the good old days.
51. During bad weather, plan an indoor picnic with the family.
52. Buy someone a goldfish and bowl.
53. Compliment someone on their cooking and politely ask for a second helping.
54. Dance with someone who hasn’t been asked.
55. Tell someone you mentioned them in your prayers.
56. Give children’s clothes to another family when your kids outgrow them.
57. Deliver extra vegetables from your garden to the whole neighborhood.
58. Call your spouse just to say, I love you.
59. Call someone’s attention to a rainbow or beautiful sunset.
60. Invite someone to go bowling.
61. Figure out someone’s half-birthday by adding 182 days, and surprise them with a cake.
62. Ask someone about their children.
63. Tell someone which quality you like most about them.
64. Brush the snow off of the car next to yours.
65. Return your shopping cart to the front of the store.
66. Encourage someone’s dream, no matter how big or small it is.
67. Pay for a stranger’s cup of coffee without them knowing it.
68. Leave a love letter where your partner will find it.
69. Ask an older person for their advice.
70. Offer to take care of someone’s pet while they’re away.
71. Tell a child you’re proud of them.
72. Visit a sick person, or send them a care package.
73. Join a Big Brother or Sister program.
74. Leave a piece of candy on a coworker’s desk.
75. Bring your child to work with you for the afternoon.
76. Give someone a recording of their favorite music.
77. Email a friend some information about a topic they are especially interested in.
78. Give someone a homemade gift.
79. Write a poem for someone.
80. Bake some cookies for your local fire or police department.
81. Organize a neighborhood cleanup and have a barbecue afterwards.
82. Help a child build a birdhouse or similar project.
83. Check in on an old person, just to see if they’re okay.
84. Ask for the recipe after you eat over at someone’s house.
85. Personally welcome a new employee at work and offer to take them out for lunch.
86. While in a car, ask everyone to buckle up because they are important to you.
87. Let someone else eat the last slice of cake or pizza.
88. Stop and buy a drink from a kid’s lemonade stand.
89. Forgive someone when they apologize.
90. Wave to someone looking for a parking space when you’re about to leave a shopping center.
91. Send a copy of an old photograph to a childhood friend.
92. Leave a pint of your spouse’s favorite flavor of ice cream in the freezer with a bow on it.
93. Do a household chore that is usually done by someone else in the family.
94. Be especially happy for someone when they tell you their good news.
95. Compliment a coworker on their role in a successful project.
96. Give your spouse a spontaneous back rub at the end of the day.
97. Serve someone in your family breakfast in bed.
98. Ask someone if they’ve lost weight.
99. Make a donation to a charity in someone’s honor.
100. Take a Child to a Ballgame·

Who Said He Wanted To

An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
“How do you stay in such great physical condition?”

“I am Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy;
“that’s why I’m in such good shape. I am up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well.”

“Well,” says the doctor,
“I am sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?”

” Who said my Dad’s dead?”

The doctor is amazed.
“You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?”

“He’s 100 years old,” says the old Italian golfer.
“In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that’s why he’s still alive … he’s Italian and he’s a golfer too.”

“Well,” the doctor says,
“that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad?
How old was he when he died?”

“Who said my grandpa’s dead?”

Stunned, the doctor asks,
“You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living!
Incredible, how old is he?”

“He’s 118 years old,” says the old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
“So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”

“No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.”

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
“Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?”

” Who said he wanted to?”

Business Ethics

Father: ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice’
Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!’
Father: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.’
Son: ‘Well, in that case…ok’
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’
Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!’
Father: ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.’
Bill Gates: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’
President: ‘But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!’
Father: ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.’
President: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything..
But your attitude should be +ve..

Bill Gates and General Motors - Computer And Car Technology

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”

“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”