RecipeApart » Jokes

Actual Meaning of Managerial Statements – Management Fun

Hiroshi — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:34:39 +0000

Wise managers do not talk direct. They do not say always what they really mean. Their statements have some hidden messages. For example when they say that “We will do it”, it doesn’t mean you and management will do it. It means you will do it. I have got some more of these statements used by management often which carry more than just those words. If you are in the management activity you will also admit this.

“We will do it” means “You will do it”
“You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
“We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”
“Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!”
“After discussion we will decide. I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
“There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
“Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”
“We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”
“We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
“We had slight differences of opinion” means “We had actually fought”
“Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”
“You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”
“We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”
“Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected.” means, “Well you know…”
“We are a team.” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”
“That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”
“All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

Actual Meaning of Managerial Statements – Management Fun is a post from: RecipeApart

How to Sit and Do Nothing all the Day – Management Joke

Hiroshi — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:24:41 +0000

Some people really sit and do nothing all day long but are well paid and respected. These kind of people are in management. You can be like them as well. Let me explain it with a story.

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,
“I wonder! Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered:
“Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

How to Sit and Do Nothing all the Day – Management Joke is a post from: RecipeApart

Sardar Jokes

Hiroshi — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 09:15:51 +0000

Jokes time! Sardar Jokes are very common. They are the equivalent of Blond Jokes in the United States. The Sardar jokes listed at this site are not meant to disrespect the Sikh Community in any way. Enjoy some more sardar jokes. These are in English.

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in India.

!!~!!

2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

!!~!!

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

!!~!!

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked “what you did till evening?”
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

!!~!!

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.

!!~!!

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

!!~!!

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ‘All India Radio! ‘

!!~!!

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

!!~!!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king’s skeleton.
Tourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.

Sardar Jokes is a post from: RecipeApart

The Bird That Does Not Build its Own Nest

Hiroshi — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:14:40 +0000

The contest for “Who wants to be a millionaire” was going on and the last question was:

“which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?”
A- Robin
B- Sparrow
C- Cuckoo
D- Thrush

The contestant (Barbara) decides to phone a friend (Maggie).
(ringing)
Maggie (a blond): “Hello…”
Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Millionaire.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”
Barbara repeats the question.
Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”
Barbara: “You think?”
Maggie: “I’m sure.”
Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)
Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”
Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”
Regis: “Is that your final answer?”
Barbara: “It is.”
Regis: “Are you confident?”
Barbara: “Yes.”
Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks:
“Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.”

The Bird That Does Not Build its Own Nest is a post from: RecipeApart

Computer Technology Jokes – Cartoons

Hiroshi — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 18:24:57 +0000

IT Evolution, 1990 – 2008

IT Guru

Computer Programmer’s Life

Geek Meditation Session

- Navigate to a blank web page
- Delete your history
- In your mind’s browser, clear your cache

Computer Technology Jokes – Cartoons is a post from: RecipeApart

Love Letter From HR Manager

Hiroshi — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:56:10 +0000

To, ABC Girl
Subject: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms prey,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving his letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your other friends (girls), if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Xyz
HR Manager

Love Letter From HR Manager is a post from: RecipeApart

A Man With No Bad Habits

Hiroshi — Sat, 03 May 2008 15:16:45 +0000

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, “I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.” “I would have bought a cup of tea”, replied the beggar.

The man said, “Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea”. He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, “I don’t smoke as it is injurious to health.”

The man smiled and took a bottle of whiskey from his pocket and told the beggar, “Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good”.

The beggar refused by saying, “Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver”.

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, “I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone”.

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, “Sorry sir, I can’t come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.”

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar’s face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, “Why do you want me to go to your house with you”.

The man replied, “My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like.”

A Man With No Bad Habits is a post from: RecipeApart

Urdu Jokes

Hiroshi — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:30:44 +0000

Once a sardar owned a retaurant.
A man came up to him and claimed:
“Sardar jee! There is a fly in the tea”
Sardar jee replied:
“O! Dil wadda ker yara! Oonay kinna pee leena aaay”

Sardar goes to a restaurant and orders chicken.
Waiter: “French, Spanish or Desi?”
Sardar: “O jeera marzi laay aa! Main keera gallan kerniaan naaay.”

1 larkay ko kia chaiya?
1 larkie jo piyar daay.
1 larkie jo acha khana banaye.
1 larkie jo khoob khidmat keray.
Aor ya teenoon larkiyaan mil jul rehain.
Bus!!!

A sardar was driving a jeep in jungle.
Tourist asked him: “If lion comes very close to us, then how can we escape?”
Sardar: “Its simple, Give right indicator and turn left.”

3 sardar were sleeping at same bed.
One felt not enough room for him at bed and so he climbed down and rested at bare floor.
One sardar from bed called him and said. “Come on up now, its enough room now at bed.”

Urdu Jokes is a post from: RecipeApart

Business Ethics

Hiroshi — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:38:36 +0000

Father: ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice’
Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!’
Father: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.’
Son: ‘Well, in that case…ok’
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’
Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!’
Father: ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.’
Bill Gates: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’
President: ‘But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!’
Father: ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.’
President: ‘Ah, in that case…ok’

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything…But your attitude should be +ve…

Business Ethics is a post from: RecipeApart

Eats Shoots And Leaves (joke)

Hiroshi — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 02:33:31 +0000

A panda goes to a restaurant.
The waiter comes over and asks him what he would like to eat.
The panda said “I would like to order everything on the menu.”
The waiter comes back a little later after the panda finishes up his food and says,
“Here is your check.” The panda shoots the waiter.

The police comes and talk to the panda.
The police said, “You can not do that!!!”
The panda says,
“Sure I can, look panda up in the dictionary,
It says: Panda; eats, shoots and leaves.
(eats shoots, and leaves) (shoot is a plant…)

Eats Shoots And Leaves (joke) is a post from: RecipeApart

RecipeApart » Jokes

Actual Meaning of Managerial Statements – Management Fun

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